The Power of the Overshare: How Saying Too Much Can Actually Help Your Career

by Rosetta Thurman

category: Networking

Published May 12, 2009 @ 09:43AM PT

I was on a date with this guy a few months ago, and he ended up telling me about an experience he'd had with one of his ex-girlfriends. He started talking, but then stopped himself midway through, saying sheepishly, "Oops, I think that might have been an overshare." I could tell he was embarrassed, so we moved on to other topics. I thought about it later, and came to the conclusion that although this particular instance was a dating situation, very often we also hold back what we say in professional settings. My date was obviously fearful he was saying too much. But he was probably more afraid of my reaction and what I would think of him because of what he told me.

Even though some conversations aren't necessarily appropriate for the workplace, sharing aspects of your personal life and experiences isn't always a bad thing. You can strengthen relationships with your peers and colleagues by establishing common bonds. We connect with each other by sharing similar experiences. What's appropriate just depends on who you're trying to build the relationship with and the context of the conversation. For instance, let's say your boss complains to you about a childcare issue, and you happen to have a child, too. That can be a point of commiseration where you both can share your parenting experiences and become closer colleagues.

In the nonprofit world, the ability to do our work in communities effectively depends on how well we relate to each other. It's much easier to do when we have personal relationships that help us understand each other.  That's how we build the trust that allows us to work better together. For example, I have a good relationship with a certain program officer that's much more open than my other connections with grantmakers simply because she and I both share a love for poetry. We've discussed our own creative processes and the kind of writers we admire, etc. This relationship has allowed me to have candid conversations about the foundation's work and obtain valuable information that's helped me in my fundraising. If you simply don't know how to start cultivating a particular relationship, just take Karl Staib's advice:

If all else fails, just invite a co-worker to lunch and get to know someone better.

Don't be afraid to show people who you really are as a person. If you don't, how else can your colleagues connect with you? If it will help you build better relationships with your fellow nonprofit leaders, it's worth it to tell people about your personal background, where you grew up, your favorite place to shop, or that cute thing your son did last week in kindergarten. You never know when saying "too much" can bring you closer to your career goals.

Photo credit: nebe